I’ve been thinking about positive thinking, how to give and receive positive energy. I’m curious.
Let’s say that I’m having a day. I feel really fat and I can’t seem to get rid of my chin hair.
Even though I intellectually know there’s nothing dramatic (that I’m aware of) about my existing chin hair, hopefully, I still feel like a circus act sometimes.
I worry that if I ever get on Survivor, my archetype would be one they never cast before: the bearded lady (a single woman in her 40s who loves her pets and chin hair happens). They’d probably regret ever giving me the opportunity to be on Survivor. There are days when I feel especially gross. None of my cute shirts fit because maybe I ate junk food everyday for a week or something.
When I touch my face I feel the brown hairs on my chin and I worry. Can people tell? If they can, are they thinking that I might have absolutely no vanity and am 99% lazy, or are they wondering if I just returned from competing on Survivor? I’d probably end up with a beard if I was on Survivor. Unless I remove those hairs for good. I don’t want to create a new archetype, the lady with the beard. I just threw up in my mouth. I don’t want a beard! I’m a girl and I’m glad for that. I was born as the right gender for me.
A beard is off-putting. Especially being a female still looking for her Mr. Right. No man I’m attracted to wants someone who grows out her chin hair.
I worry a lot. I’m worrying now. Each time I worry more gray hairs seem to pop up.
Earlier today I was working on feeling more comfortable in front of the camera. I was walking Max while using a selfie-stick. I deleted the video. I gained weight since before, when I was young and thin. I want to be young and thin again. I’m not getting younger but I can get thinner. It’s just that doing the work is not easy. It’s hard to motivate myself to have willpower and exercise.
So I’m gonna first do one week of drinking only water, unsweetened green tea and black coffee and eating only celery, cucumbers, pickles, hard-boiled eggs, apples and applesauce.
I’m not starting this upcoming week. My birthday is Saturday and even though I’m not happy about getting older this year, I’m eating on my birthday. It’s also the 4th of July next week and I’m gonna eat on Independence Day
because even though there’s a person in the White House who wants to use his powers for evil, not good, I still live in a free country. This year I’m not so proud to be American but I’m relieved to have the freedom to say so.
So the week after next I’ll start my diet. And I’m gonna have a positive attitude throughout. But how do I maintain a positive attitude when my self-talk is usually negative. I’m not, nor will I ever be the bearded lady. It’s just not something I would ever let happen.
I want to use this blog to document my quest for a better life. The first place to start is examining my mild self confidence. It’s mild instead of non-existent because I have self-respect and consciously try not to do things that hurt others or would damage my confidence more than it’s already been. I do have a long way to go.
I think right here is where I should put a picture of my cat and dog. They’re the best.